I CAN MOONWALK!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
