Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
