I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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