Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
