he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Are we still banned from the library?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
