Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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