It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
