Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize