Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my liver is dry heaving
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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