On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
