Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
