The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
