he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
