I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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