with your own penis?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just blew my weed a kiss
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
