There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
