just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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