walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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