he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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