No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i dont even know how to be here
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
