Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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