Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
