so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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