Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
