I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
