Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
