So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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