Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
