is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
