well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
