Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize