he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
