is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
