i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
