How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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