Having a random hookup so left but love u
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
