I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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