i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
time to smoke my breakfast
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
