You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
