1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
