There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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