so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
