he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
