okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
