If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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