That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
