i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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