i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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