I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
