Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
