Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C