i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.