honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
