My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
