Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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