she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
