enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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