no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
