Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
