I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
