I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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