He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
