I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
